good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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