I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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