im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
