So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize