Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
