Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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