Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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