Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
