a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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