ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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