I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
