a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
