from now on my penis is your penis
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
