Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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