the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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