I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
