trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
