the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
