Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
