Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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