one two three fourrrrnication!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
