my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish there were birth control emojis
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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