he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
