Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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