people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
