Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
