shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
