he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
