Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
