I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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