If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
