so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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