East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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