This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
