we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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