I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
