rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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