I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
