i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
