Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
