so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
