You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
