she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Randomize
