Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
