A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
