Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
