I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌