The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"