I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.