this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
