nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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