I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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