Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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