Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
