I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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