And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
