I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
