dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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