They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
