My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
