Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
