last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize