Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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