I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize