Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
