Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
