if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
