i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
