Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
