I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
