i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize