the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
