im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
