I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
