Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I intend to get homeless drunk
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
