Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
