My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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