I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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