Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
