You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
